I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
