I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
