you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
