I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
