I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
