on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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