God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
