How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
