Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
