I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The Olympian is in my bed
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
