He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
