I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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