i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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