Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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