Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
