He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
