If that was your dad, he is hot
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
