Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
