I wish my penis had an off switch
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
This baby is an asshole
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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