There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
