Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We're too hungover to prance.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
