I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
