She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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