I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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