i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
