Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
