you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
