Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
