I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
