The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
