Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
