U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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