So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
