you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
