Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
