seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
