Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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