He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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