I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
i think we sleep fucked last night...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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