Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
