I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
