shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
