I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
