We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
