is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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