Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
