please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
