Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
