They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
