Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
