I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
