hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
