with your own penis?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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