true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
